I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
