I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she peed on how many people?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
