Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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