So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
