hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
