i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
