i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
