Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I love you. Go after that dick
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
