He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
