im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
