fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
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