How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
