everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
