he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
