Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
