When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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