just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
