sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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