Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize