happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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