I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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