Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
