Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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