If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
