i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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