Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
