Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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