He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
