You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize