At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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