The maid of honor just puked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
