I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
