Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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