I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
