I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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