JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
