I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
