hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
