O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
