My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
