There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My breasts were aching with rage.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
