I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
