I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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