you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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