Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
