He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
