you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
