I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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