What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
