I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
