You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
