Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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