A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
