i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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