the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
