she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
