I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You're like the curious george of whores
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
