big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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