Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
