He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
