goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
