worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
