AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
