just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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