She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
