i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
