I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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