Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize