Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
