ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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