i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
