Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
