Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Tell her she can't have a vagina
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
