did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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